im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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