so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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