she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
