I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dick very happy bro
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
