If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
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