So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
