What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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