this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
