'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
