I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
please don't ironically join a cult
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