My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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