why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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