Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
