Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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