the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
