all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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