I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
