It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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