Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
