Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
