I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
