Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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