she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
