toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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