I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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