Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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