I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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