wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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