i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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