so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
