Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
