Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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