I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
