You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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