hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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