I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
