I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
