I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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