oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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