Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
