You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
