I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
