Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
it's like heaven, but drunker
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
