Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My pussy is not your playground.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize