don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
