We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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