I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
