wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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