why didn't you poke me back
another moral hangover. fuck.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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