I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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