I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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