vagina is talking i cant
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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