So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
