Define "chronic" masturbator.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
