My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I looked at my own cervix.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
