Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
