you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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