Too much gin, very little bucket
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
