Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sober January is a disaster.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
