That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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