Screwed.edu
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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