why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
