who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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