so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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