I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
