She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
