when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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