when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
