High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
