OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
