my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
