Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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